Reality. Check.

And other musings of staying up too late watching PBS shows on how memory works.

Do you have issues with your own brain? I do. I have real issues with my own brain. Truth be told, I have a shit memory. It’s like an old car that wants to start but usually needs a jump before it can get going. It does, however, always start.

That’s my brain. I remember most things with prompting. I blame it on two things: Curiosity and Quest.

If it’s not obvious, I love life. I love the wonder of it all—the experiences, the contrast, the process, the whole batch. I love it even though, by all accounts, I shouldn’t. Given the amount of shit I’ve been through, I should be a bitter bitch. But I’m not. I am still out here, moving through the ethers with curiosity as my engine.

And then there’s Quest. I have been on a continual quest for the truth of it all. It doesn’t matter what it is. If something crosses my periphery, I need to know all about it. I go through life like an anthropologist, examining, questioning, always wondering. My late husband dubbed me "Wonder Why Woman." He was not wrong.

I am especially curious about people. Sometimes I pretend I’m an alien on a discovery mission, studying how humans operate. What makes us tick? Why do we make the choices we do? Why do we repeat patterns? How do our stories shape us?

And right now, I’m thinking about Mister Potato Head. Do you remember that guy? A plastic potato with interchangeable parts—eyes, glasses, mustache—you get the idea. Now, imagine a whole world of Potato Heads. They’re driving cars, riding Ferris wheels, trying on clothes, sipping coffee at Starbucks when their lips suddenly fall off. One Potato Head turns to another and asks:

“Why are you wearing that hat when there are so many others to choose from?”

See where I’m going with this?

I watched a Nova special the other night. Probably not the smartest move right before bed since it was all about the mind, and I don’t need any more help overthinking things. Anyway, it was called Perception, Deception.

I swear, if I hadn’t been an artist, I would have gone into neuroscience. I freaking LOVE LOVE LOVE the brain. The thought of thoughts excites me. The idea of thinking about thinking? Electrifying.

It’s a lot.

Anyway, the documentary said something wild—every time we remember something, it gets less and less accurate. Basically, memories are memories of memories, each one slightly altered from the last. So paradoxically, the less we remember a memory, the closer it is to the true event. Wild, right?

Which brings me back to my curious life. I move through the world like a hungry hippo for knowledge—soaking in new places, photographing them, cataloging them through visual means (photos, videos, paintings, etc.), and saving them on my 2TB hard drive for future rediscovery. When I finally open a folder, it’s like seeing it all for the first time again.

So what do Mister Potato Head, anthropology, neuroscience, traveling, and memories have in common? They all get filtered through this three-pound muscle between your ears. Every single sensory experience gets rushed through the circuits in your brain, forming conclusions, which is why when Mister Potato Head is asked:

“Why are you wearing that hat when there are so many others to choose from?”

He answers the way he does.

You get to a certain age, and you realize—there are things you did that caused your problems. But before that, there were things that happened to you that caused problems. Somewhere in between, there’s a junction.

I wish I had a clever word for this junction, but my brain isn’t offering one up right now.

Anyway, I don’t want to lose my train of thought. Ha. Maybe too late for that.

So let’s loop back.

The brain. A three-pound muscle in charge of every function in your body. So much responsibility. And yet, without instruction, your body carries you through life, performing magic acts and harmonizing perfectly to make you, you.

And just like that, I’m reminded why I love this mess of neurons so damn much.

And hey, look, my neurons made this recently. They all got together and decided the time was now to create a piece that represented the balance between navigating life’s complexities and staying true to one’s path.

But what about you?

What experience will you have today that challenges your perception, bends your memory, or makes you see the world differently? Will you watch the documentary and see if it shifts your thinking? If you do, tell me what you think—I’d love to hear your take. Because let’s be real, this brain of mine could use some company in the rabbit hole of wonder.